Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Tolley's Tax Deformity - a new disease?


I am slightly concerned about these...growths that I've found on my Tolley's Tax Handbooks...what could be in there?
Are they buboes? Should I be using the Medieval approach of protecting myself with sweet smelling nosegays?
Is it the sign of an infestation of book-flesh eating bugs? Will they eventually burst out from the spines in a spray of paper shreds? Like the chestburster from Alien, but with more glue, and less blood?

I am afraid.

If you don't hear from me by the end of January, send in the search parties. Although I'd recommend they be wearing with HazMat suits, probably Type 1.

And bring tongs.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Tweeting in court guidance

If you're in England and Wales, here's the newly released guidance on using social media in public courts.
It's probably not so relevant if you're the defendant though.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

A latey, librariany, stereotypey shopping treasury

You! Yes, you! So you know a librarian? And you like stereotypes? And you want to buy them something for Christmas that fits in nicely to that stereotype?*

Well, let me help…

Now, books can get poorly, so what could be better than to let your Beloved Librarian help support sickly books, with a Book Shoe from the National Trust (no, I had no idea what a book shoe was before either).

If you’re feeling flush, you could buy Beloved Librarian their very own mobile library! Of course, they won’t get to draw it around the hills and vales of Britain, or get to give the donkey a funny name, but they’ll get a warm, inner glow of Doing Good. Even warmer if you actually buy them some books to put in it.

Of course, if you’re feeling wildly extravangant, buy BL their own village library. Although for that price, I’d be demanding that the library be named after me.

Etsy is of course a world of weird and wonderful handmade gifts…how have I survived without the book ring? Maybe your BL needs this little black book necklace? They might like being able to use this subtle reminder mirror, to practice giving pointed stares in response to stupid questions, while holding it in the enquirers eyeline...

If BL is just starting out on their training they could need a print of the Novice Librarian. In fact there's reams of library or reading related prints, of varying...erm...quality. And of course there's always room for a granite book in a librarians life, and signs demanding we read (something made somewhat harder when the book is granite, and without words...).

So now you've decorated their home, and made them a Good Person by buying charity gifts, how about dressing them? They'll definitely need their cardigan clips (pearl, if possible) to keep that sensible cardie in the right position over their ladylike blouse, with a proper pleated skirt to go on the bottom half. Shoes are an essential part of any outfit, so give BL a choice. And there's to be no stepping out the door without a book-based handbag. Mind you, they're likely to be short sighted, so will need a pair of these to see where they're going, and all those books they're reading at once will need to go somewhere too. It's heavy work, dressing librariany!

Perhaps it would be easier just to get them a librarian doll? And no, it's not even the Nancy Pearl one!

So there you go: you've got a lot of gift options for your Beloved Librarian here..although of course...none of these will arrive in time for Christmas...SNOWMAGEDDON is coming, don't you know!?!?


*Yes, men are librarians too, but we're going with stereotypes here, so unless they're comfortable in skirts, sensible heels, wearing a bun and a cardigan, they're outta luck in this shopping guide.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Well, it depends...

These are just a few simple words, yet they're almost guaranteed to turn a bright-eyed, hopeful lawyer into a darkly-muttering, frustrated one. Y'see, sometimes there ain't a simple answer to what seems like a straightforward question because it all....depends.

It depends, dear enquirer, because what may seem reasonable to one party, might not be so reasonable to the other party. And no, I can't give you any more information on the probable response by a judge or sheriff to your case because your case is entirely individual; the facts and circumstances in it are unique, and will have to be considered on their own merits. If you like, I could dig out a case from the 1800s that may relate to sheep, or suchlike, but I can tell you now, it's not going to help you one little bit.

How nice a mood I am at the time in can be estimated by how sympathetic I sound when I deliver this information....




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