Dumpling in a Hanky

I may be having a minor wobble. I leave on Thursday for the ALLA / NZLLA conference in Melbourne. My suitcase is at my parents - we'll not even get into the massive size of the thing, which I have been informed by my Mum that I have to take, due to the fact that I've to take clothes and gifts for my brother and his girlfriend. They live in New Zealand, and are meeting me in Melbourne for a city break holiday. Oh, and also, clothes for my brothers best friend, who is also currently in New Zealand. And wine gums for another friend of mine. Now, since they're just coming on a short break, they might not be prepared for the fact that they're expected to transport crisps, sweeties, and clothing back home...can you see the flaw in this plan? Can you visualise the piles of random stuff, abandoned in a hotel room due to lack of suitcase space? Can you hear me whimpering as I try and co-ordinate with them, my Mum, the friends Mum, and the girlfriends Mum? So, before I can even c...

First, start with a standard handbook for solicitors, available in many varieties, but for this example, make it a Company Law one. Give it many, many, paper-thin pages, in order to fit the masses of information into it without it becoming large enough to risk it becoming sentient.Then give it a floppy cover: this ensures that, not only is it impossible to make it stand on a shelf itself, but its floppiness is also contagious, and it'll merrily take out neighbouring books during its slide to the ground. Evidence: an action shot, taken when I tried to get the book to stand upright for a second while I took a photo. And its normal position/look, when placed on a shelf and left to its own devices. So: with those ingredients, you have created a book that annoys the librarian (as when it's on the shelf it's like a limp eel, and a Bad Influence on the other books), and the solicitors (who can't store them standing upright like the other books on their desk, so they have to li...

The Facebooked-one is King. So what happens if Facebook boots you off? This woman is finding out...and has gone to some lengths to get her account reinstated, rightly or wrongly. It reminds me of Judge Judy : "The people are real. The cases are real. The rulings are final. This is Judge Facebook."

I imagine the first entry on the How To Be A Sheriff checklist would be this: 1: Remember to turn up for court when you're meant to. Therefore, this sheriff is really gonna be in the Bad Books with the Scottish Court Service...

That's the usual reaction I get when I respond to the question "So, what do you do?" I either reply "I work for a law firm", when I'm in mixed company and don't really want to talk about work. But this seems to make people think I'm a lawyer, and I have to explain I'm definitely not a lawyer, but a librarian, and that all sorts of people other than lawyers work in a law firm. So, actually, that one kind of backfires an the -lets-not-talk-about-work front, and I'm trying to not say that any more! Or I say "I'm a librarian for a law firm", which is what I use when I'm feeling a bit more chatty, and happy enough to explain what I do. And since I end up having to explain my job anyway, I'm using this one more frequently. No matter what I reply though, both lead to the same response. The puzzled look. Then there's a couple of options: "Oh, I didn't know lawyers needed librarians" "Oh, do you look after ...

Feel like going fishing? Well, if you want to go and fish in the River Esk, which is mainly in Scotland, you'll have to apply for a fishing licence from the Environment Agency in England. Bit confusing, so there's a test case coming up on the 10th September...

Be afraid...be very afraid....I'm being allowed to leave the country! And not only am I being allowed out, but I'm going in the guise of a proper professional! I'm going all the way to Australia, to attend the ALLA and NZLLA joint conference in Melbourne , thanks to some fabulous and generous bursaries from the lovely BIALL and SLLG , yay! It's kind of worrying when you look at a conference programme and think "ohhhh, I'd really like to go to that!". I'm concerned that it may be a sign of becoming grown up. But, never fear, the business cards I've had made up will soon put paid to any such ideas in the people I meet, oh yes indeedy! It is actually ever so slightly terrifying: I know no-one at the conference, my hotel booking's gone a bit wonky already, and I arrive at 1am in the morning, after waaaaay too many hours of travelling...thankfully I've scheduled in a bit of recovery time, otherwise I'd be sporting the Zombie Librarian look....